This Week in Clown World: Labor Wants to Power Tomago with Snowy Hydro

Welcome to Canberra, ladies and gentlemen, where the impossible becomes policy. This week in clown world: Labor wants to power Tomago Aluminium with Snowy Hydro. Yes, you heard that right. The same Snowy Hydro that can barely keep the lights on for the rest of us is now supposed to run a smelter that slurps 1,000 megawatts, roughly 10% of NSW’s electricity.

Albo and Bowen are out there grinning, waving their green banners, pretending this is a genius move. Meanwhile, reality is waving back with both hands: Snowy Hydro cannot reliably generate that much power continuously. Not now. Not with Snowy 2.0. Not Ever.

But who cares about reality when you can have a political photo op? Bowen tells Rio Tinto, “Relax, mate, we’ve got this.” Albo nods sagely, probably imagining a green, sustainable smelter glowing in the sunlight while taxpayers quietly fund the magic show behind the scenes.

Let’s be honest: this isn’t a green energy strategy. This is corporate welfare dressed up in hydroelectric fairy dust. Tomago gets cheap power — courtesy of you — and the government gets to pretend it’s solving the climate crisis while running a billion-dollar bailout.

Picture it: Bowen juggling energy contracts like flaming torches while Albo leaps off another policy cliff, banner overhead reading: “Green Aluminium Totally Under Control!” Meanwhile, your electricity bill climbs, and your lights flicker, because the people in charge are performing a circus act with a power plant that can’t possibly keep up.

Snowy Hydro can’t power Tomago. Everyone knows it. Except Labor. Except Bowen. And somehow, you’re expected to believe this is a serious plan. It’s absurd. It’s hilarious. And it’s happening right now in Clown World, Canberra Edition.